Butter season

December 11, 2018

“Christmas crack.” Two sticks of butter.

That’s how a friend once referred to the days leading up to Thanksgiving, and extending through the New Year.

Is it any wonder gyms are full,  come Jan. 2? We have all indulged ourselves beyond all measures of reasonableness, and we have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, thankyouverymuch. What is the onset of winter for, anyway, if not a last gasp of excess leading us into a long, slim season of cold, unpleasant weather and limited food options?

At least food options, thanks to the miracles of long-distance transportation, are not nearly as limited as they once were. Thus I can enjoy (and will!) asparagus and sugar snap peas from points a long way south of here in February. But I digress.

What we are about here, you see, is stoking up the winter fat (and arterial sclerosis, but let us not quibble) levels pending really SERIOUS winter. Which, make no mistake, is coming. Like, this weekend, when it supposed to snow and stuff. You got to have some insulation between you and the outside world for that kind of weather.

Thus, butter. One of God, and cows’, greatest inventions. And never do we use more of it than we do in this holiday season, because damn near all our holiday treats lean on it. There is more than one reason I buy it five or six pounds at a time at Aldi, and stash it in the freezer. We do not run out of butter at Chez Brockwell, no, we don’t.

Chocolate oatmeal stovetop cookies. Another stick.

As a case in point, in the current extravaganza of holiday treat-making, I have been through two pounds-plus of butter without missing a step, in the past two days. And that’s with making some vegan treats, to boot. To-wit:

Chex mix. About three sticks in two gallons of the stuff.
  • Chex mix, two gallons’ worth, about three sticks of butter.
  • M&M bars, two sticks
  • Chocolate oatmeal stovetop cookies, one stick.
  • The maple date walnut bread and the cranberry pecan bread, a stick apiece.
  • The “Christmas Crack” candies featuring Saltines, two sticks.
  • The Pickapeppa pecans are vegan, as is the applesauce cake.  
    The coconut macaroons are not, but they have only eggs, no butter.

And we have yet to go the fudge, which is a stick of butter for each batch, and the pralines, which is a stick for each batch, and I’ll probably make three or four, and the butter toffee, which is a pound at a throw.

Thank you, Lord, for cows!

And Lord, please have a little mercy on those who battle with high cholesterol.

It’s Christmas treat season. Surely all the rules regarding low-fat consumption are suspending for the duration. After all, there are gyms, and January is coming. Hard work on the elliptical forgives a multitude of sins. 

You ‘n y’mama ‘n ’em, come on up and pitch in on the Christmas treat-making. Bring butter.

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