The pluperfect burger

November 12, 2011

Hel-LO, sweetheart! Come here, you gorgeous thing!

Sweet Baby Jesus. I have Done It. I have constructed the absolute best damn burger in the universe, thank you very much. And I am so full I am really, really grateful that I didn’t, couldn’t finish it, doubly grateful I didn’t make any sides to go with it.

Is that not a work of art? I thought so.

It’s Petit Jean Farms beef; bacon jam; smoked gouda; kosher dill pickles; and chipotle honey butter. And it’s on a rosemary garlic yeast roll from the Farmers Market.

The chipotle honey butter put the finishing touch on it, and I did it as an afterthought. I thought I was grabbing bread and butter slices, when in fact it was kosher dill ones. Once I noticed, I figured I’d compensate with a little bit of sweet … oh, and a little bit of hot, too.

Perfection. Better than the bread and butters would have been. The smoked gouda just married with the smoky taste from the grill; the bacon jam was all sweet and savory at the same time; the pickles added crunch, and the chipotle just tied it all together.

Lucy Lu appreciated the leftovers, too.

I am a happy woman. And I sat down with that masterpiece at an exquisitely timed 4:55 p.m., five minutes before the Hogs kicked off. Of course, they didn’t show the first five minutes while they finished up the stupid NASCAR race. Do you television people have no sense? NASCAR? Seriously?

It’s been a delightful day, even if I did wake up at 5:30 this morning. I started out by sampling the pig-in-blanket at Spa City Donuts, recommended to me as the best one in town.

It ain’t. It’s in a thin, almost pie crust or pizza dough type wrap, which is fine, but it’s a full-sized brat in there, and that’s too much brat for the bread. I prefer the smaller sausages, about the size of your thumb, in the slightly sweet dough from Donut Palace.

Then it was off to the Farmers’ Market, to pick up purple hulled peas, last fresh ones of the year; butternut squash and yeast rolls, and to sign up for my CSA beef for next year and find out about getting a herd share on milk so I can make some cheese. From there I went over to the Art Church, where there was an an artisan market going on; spent an hour or so driving about and taking photos; went by the grocery and picked up a few things. Came home, roasted a chicken, made two loaves of pumpernickel bread that JUST came out of the oven after I started this paragraph and boy, do they smell GOOD! And did the burgers. And grilled that pound of bologna while I was about it, because now it’s kinda like salami and will keep forever in the fridge and be good to go with munchies and cheese and stuff.

Tomorrow it may be either pumpkin bread or zucchini bread; I have a couple of tired-looking little zucchini laying around I ought to use. I may break in the waffle maker for brunch, or not. The chicken is getting pulled off the bone tonight, to refrigerate and use for chicken enchiladas sometime this week. And I’m going to make pizza dough because I AM, by God, going to make calzone this week sometime. I have butterfly pork chops I could grill tomorrow night to go with the cranberry chutney I bought today at the artisan market, but I will probably be big-time full from the open house at the Culinary District. I may let the kid eat a burger for lunch and make him a small pan of enchiladas for dinner.

I also want to make some tarragon pesto; found a recipe for it, and my tarragon plant is about to fall victim to the first killing frost, which actually isn’t supposed to occur this next week. And I need to roast the boatload of cherry tomatos I got from the co-op.

Something — like pulling all the summer stuff out of the closet so I’ve got some room — just MAY not get done. Oh, well. It’ll be Thanksgiving soon.

OK. I’m gonna watch the Hogs. We’re up 14-zip in the first quarter. Wooo, Pig! I hope they don’t entirely embarrass the Vols, who are my “other” SEC team, but it looks like we’ve got to run up the score to get any respect from the BCS. So, sorry, UT. Another time, I’ll sing Rocky Top with you and y’mama ‘n ’em.

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One Response to “The pluperfect burger”

  1. Len Cleavelin Says:

    Of course, they didn’t show the first five minutes while they finished up the stupid NASCAR race. Do you television people have no sense? NASCAR? Seriously?

    Better than not showing the start of a Cardinals game while they finished up a college lacrosse game that had gone into overtime.

    I shit you not. 😦


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