I got yer haute cuisine, ratcheer….

August 8, 2010

So, you thought you were getting gourmet, or something?


Dinner on the lake. Top it. If you can.What you are getting is one of the best damn burgers you ever sank a tooth into.

Chocolate, by God. CHOCOLATE!

And, because I’m just overcome with Christian charity, you’re getting chocolate chip pound cake. From a mix. Deal with it. I defy you to do better from scratch.

Burgers are something of a weekend ritual here on the lake. They’re quick, they’re good. What’s not to like? PJF beef (happy cows, I know they must have been, before they met their demise in service of the greater good), an egg (Keith Smith double-yolked), a shot of Worcestershire, a handful of panko bread crumbs, some Lawry’s seasoned salt. Four patties out of a pound-and-a-half, little dimples in the middle so they don’t blimp up on you on the grill. Hot coals, five minutes on one side, three on the other, move them out of the direct heat, add the cheese if you’d inclined to do so, toast the buns for 60 seconds, hustle the whole thing inside.

And my very own favorite Comfort Potato Salad. Not that I was craving comfort food, but potato salad always sounds good. A couple of pounds of medium sized redskins, cut in eighths (didn’t bother with peeling). Boiled with salt. Dressing of a couple of of hefty spoons of Hellman’s Mayo (maybe 1/3 cup?), a quarter-cup or so of sweet pickle cubes, a glop of Dijon mustard, a glop of ketchup, a healthy shake of Lawry’s, a healthy shake of paprika, a rather anemic shake of garlic powder. Stir it all up, toss it with the drained potatos. Done and done.

But this cake. I have to credit my good friend Glenda, back in Marion, for this cake. I’m not much of a baker or a pastry chef in general. I’m not much on sweet stuff. But New Son very nearly swooned over this cake, which is also a favorite of Child C, who doesn’t really even like chocolate.

I stirred that baby up in no more than 10 minutes. Thusly:

  • 1 yellow cake mix (I used Duncan Hines Butter Recipe because that’s what Glenda told me to use)
  • 1 small box instant chocolate pudding mix
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/2 cup oil
  • 2/3 cup water
  • 8 oz sour cream
  • 12 oz chocolate chips

Mix up everything except the sour cream and the chips. Just chunk it all in there together. If you are fortunate enough to have access, as I do, to double-yolked eggs, go for it. Your cholesterol will forgive you. Beat hell out of it with a mixer for a couple of minutes.

Fold in the sour cream. Fold in the chocolate chips. It’s better if you use the mini chips; they don’t sink to the bottom of your bundt pan (top of your cake) and glop together there. If you feel led to use regular chips anyway, save out a couple of tablespoons of cake mix to toss with them before you fold them in. Eat a small handful of chips to congratulate yourself for making this cake and pleasing your family. I use the dark chocolate chips; feel free to use milk chocolate if that floats your boat.

Spray a Bundt pan with no-stick spray and pour batter in. Bake at 350 — you DID pre-heat the oven, didn’t you?? — for an hour or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool it on a rack for 10 minutes, then turn it out onto the rack and cool completely before glazing.

For the glaze, since you’ve already sinned against all sorts of culinary gods by using cake mix and instant pudding to start with, get yourself a can of readymade chocolate frosting. Put about half of it in a measuring cup and nuke it a minute or so, until it’s nice and liquid. Pour it over the cake to glaze. If it’s not glazed enough for you, use the rest of it and do it again. I’m not the boss of you. Make that sumbitch just as chocolaty as you want it.

For premier flavor, have it with a tall, cold glass of milk. Or, if you’re like me and semi-lactose-intolerant, the best coffee you can afford.

You’lkl thank me. I swear you will. And I will not tell anyone you used a mix to do this.

I’m gonna finish my beer. You and y’mama ‘n ’em come on over and have a piece of cake.



One Response to “I got yer haute cuisine, ratcheer….”

  1. Cathe Patton Says:

    OMG! Cannot wait to make this cake! 🙂

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